Today when the Neonatologist came in he asked if we had been told about the surgery.
We had, they told us before she was even born. When we found out about our daughters diagnosis of Down Syndrome and and Atrioventricular Canal Defect the pediatric Cardiologist also told us about the surgery that would fix her heart.
When she is about three or four months old and about ten pounds the surgeons will go into the tiny chest of my baby to open her little heart. Once they do that they will put in a little patch to fill the gap in her heart wall. The doctors all say it’s a complicated surgery but they can do it because they do it all the time.
I’m really good at”what ifs”. Right now I keep asking myself what if something goes wrong. What if the surgery doesn’t work. What if something goes wrong. What if my girl doesn’t come back to me.
The hardest thing is not having anyway to get the answers for my what ifs. No one can tell me what will happen, I have to have faith that the Lord will take care of her. With faith comes peace.
I need that peace right now, but I don’t have it because my faith is buried under all of my fears that she will die. I have all of these fears piling on top of my faith and I don’t know how to unbury it.
I wonder how Noah’s wife found faith. Or how Abraham’s wife found not only faith but so much faith that she was still able to obey her husband though all of the things he did, like calling her his sister and having other men take her away. How did they dig their faith out from under the fears that I’m sure they had?
I don’t have the answer to that either. I just know that the only way to find peace is through faith, through giving all of those fears to GOD and letting him keep them.